marriage

There was no god, no government, no commitment ceremony. There was no seating plan, no name-changing, no gifts.

There was no dieting, no Spanx, no Botox, no fake tan, no bucks night, no bridesmaids — none of the hallmarks of a typical wedding.

Instead, I was a 47-year-old, 90-kilo bride in a magenta-coloured dress the groom chose and purchased online for $260.

For years and years I was in denial. I denied the obvious dysfunction in my marriage, and how terribly unhappy I was in it.

I told myself over and over that things would change and get better, that it wouldn’t be this way forever, and that I could find a way to be happy with how things were.

I had long given up hope that my spouse would change, but I have to admit, I joyfully splashed around in deep denial, telling myself that I could change.

In my mind, if I could change my feelings about my marriage, I would miraculously be at peace, and things would get better.