Facebook is trialling changes to its age-old 'Like' button, meaning that as well as the familiar 'thumbs up!' you'll soon be able to send emotionally-relevant emojis, ranging from a sad face to a heart.
YAWN. Facebook's limited array of emotional substitutes just aren't going to cut it - don't they know we're deep, sensitive beings with all manner of feelings? These are the Facebook buttons we really need to see.
1. The 'Not another bloody baby picture' Button
Bored weariness with a not-so-subtle hint of exasperation; it's a feeling that crosses our faces every day, and now it's time to share it. Yes, you managed to make another person, but enough already, seriously! We don't need to see a 423rd picture this month of your kid's supposedly cute, more accurately terrifying, face. Just give it a rest.
2. The 'Your happy life has made me depressed' Button
You've just got engaged, I've just been dumped. You've been promoted, my boss is a dick. You're on holiday in the Caribbean, I'm hanging out with my step mum in Blackpool. How to express such remorseful despair in a single character? This should do it.
3. The 'Where was my invite?' Button
What's worse than sitting at home alone on a Saturday night? Popping onto Facebook to see your so-called mates are all hanging out without you. Well sod you guys. We're having plenty of fun on our own, and this outraged emoji with a hearty dollop of middle-finger f**k-you-ary proves it.
4. The 'While outwardly sympathetic, I am secretly elated that your life has finally gone to shit' button.
Finally, a reason to feel good about myself - your life's gone to crap. There's nothing like a good bit of schadenfreude to brighten up the day. We can't let on though, you're our mate (at least digitally), we have to at least try and seem compassionate - enter GIF-based sad face emoji that transforms to have a not-so-secretive, gleeful hint of joy in its eye.
5. The 'Wait - was that racist?' Button
I love Paul, he's such a nice guy and so funny. Just look at this joke he's posted. Wait, hang on, is that funny or actually a little racist? What have you done, Paul? Where's the unfriend button?
6. The 'Well done. You've been out running. Now leave me alone on my sofa' Button
Congratulations, you've run 4km in 32 minutes. There's really no need to post your detailed Runkeeper stats to Facebook. It makes your fitness levels look slightly pitiful and makes me feel bad for sitting in my PJs on the sofa at 4pm on a Saturday. Jog on, yeah - just do it without sharing the results with the world.
7. The 'You should really know better' Button
Social media has, for some, removed all notion of personal boundaries, and our minds are forever scarred because of it. Certain people need to learn to stop sharing unsuitable snaps from the beach and too detailed discussions about their sex life, and we want to be the ones to make you aware that you should really know better, mum.
8. The 'I don't care' Button
It's not just endless baby pictures that do our nut in. Banal rantings of your tedious day, effervescent reports of your latest relationship, and your ill-informed efforts to sound smart by commenting on Jeremy Corbyn's latest speech - we really don't care about any of it. Look, this is how little we care, we can't even form an expression. Just take the hint, and keep this nonsense off our feeds, alright?
9. The 'You looked better then' Button
Those bloody timehop snaps are the latest plague of Facebook's enforced trip down memory lane. So on this day 4 years ago you went out, got pissed and took a mildly amusing photo - get over it, move on with your life. Plus, those pictures only highlight how you've let yourself go in the ensuing years. Roll on the gurning you looked better back then emoji to help us highlight your growing failures as a human.
10. The 'That's a bit shit' Button
Why is everyone liking your picture of a half-arsed Bake Off-inspired Victoria sponge? It's really not that impressive. It's even broken the spirits of one of our most beloved emoji - the smiley poo. The happy face has gone, but the steaming Mr Whippy remains to show your creation, achievement or daily highlight isn't all that.
11. The 'Secret snooper' Button
Facebook stalking - a popular pastime since 2006 and a staple online activity for scorned lovers and socially awkward folks across the land. Now, while some covet privacy in their social snooping, others need an outlet to convey their true, otherwise hidden feelings. Let's add a sunglasses-wearing, 1960s spy-inspired hat-adorned emoji hiding behind a newspaper and let the hidden haunters have at it.